White House Launches 'Presidential Mode' App With Filter

White House Launches 'Presidential Mode' App — Teleprompter Now Has a 'Dad Joke' Filter

Teleprompter now auto-fact-checks anecdotes and swaps any accidental tangents for pre-approved nostalgia.

WASHINGTON — The White House quietly rolled out "Presidential Mode" today, a polished app that stitches the teleprompter to a live fact-checker, replaces unscripted tangents with bipartisan nostalgia, and — because 2025 demands it — includes a 'Dad Joke' filter to soften the blow of any remaining gaffes.

Officials described the software as "not a substitute for governance, merely an interface upgrade for emotional clarity." In practice the app promises to turn rogue memory lanes into curated throwbacks (baseball mitts only), disinfect questionable statistics with a tiny green check, and insert pun-based signoffs at key applause points.

"Presidential Mode gives the president a predictable narrative arc while preserving the illusion of spontaneity," said Horatio Ping, Senior Director of Presidential Interface (title pending), in a statement that contained both the words "curation" and "authenticity." "Think of it as a teleprompter with better manners."

Features the White House demo highlighted included:

• Teleprompt+ — zero-lag scrolling with an 'off-script firewall' that temporarily mutes the mic if a story veers into obscure tractor metaphors.
• Live Fact-Check Overlay — two-line popups that subtly correct numbers mid-sentence ("Claim: 1,000 flights delayed — Fact-check: 987").
• Nostalgia Swap — any tangent tagged 'family/folk hero' is replaced with a pre-cleared memory about baseball, the corner store, or a teacher named 'Joe.'
• Dad-Joke Filter — inserts groan-friendly puns on cue (beta metric: 72% decrease in stunned silence; 38% increase in 'awww' emojis).
• Premium 'Presidential Plus' — optional applause tracks, custom condolence templates, and an 'I'm Sorry' boilerplate editor (in-app purchases start at $2.99).

The demo was specific. A five-minute unscripted ramble about a childhood bike, according to the app, was automatically swapped for "As my coach used to say, 'If you fall, get back on. Also buy better tires.'" A statistical claim about unemployment was annotated with a hovering card reading "Context: inflation-adjusted, rounded to the nearest feel-good number." The Dad-Joke filter ended the segment with: "Why did the budget cross the road? To get to the balanced side."

Reporters in the press pool gave the app mixed reviews. Some appreciated fewer mid-sentence flops; others said the replacement homilies felt eerily tailored. One anonymous correspondent noted their watch buzzed with a push notification during a town hall: "Tangential anecdote detected. Replacing with 'small-town barber' memory. Proceed?" The correspondent said they proceeded, and the room applauded politely.

"This is accountability by update," said Etta Plain, founder of Citizens for Unfiltered Governance. "You can't patch over policy with a sticker pack."

The White House insists 'Presidential Mode' is a tool, not a shield. Officials promised continuous updates, citing user feedback loops and "iterative empathy modeling." They also teased future releases: a 'Scapegoat Picker' (choose any fictional aide to absorb fallout) and an 'Apology Mode' (three-tone contrition: solemn, earnest, or wear-a-sweater).

If nothing else, the app solves a modern problem: when governance gets messy, make sure the messy sounds like a warm baseball memory and a joke your dad would file under 'acceptable.' The App Store listing's final line reads like a mission statement and a software patch note: "Beta-tested on two ceremonies and one commercial break. Update improves humility and reduces tangentiality by 14%."

Next update: personalized nostalgia themes and an optional 'scenic b-roll' background to increase the illusion of sincerity. Because if politics is theater, the White House now ships its own props.